How to Reclaim Yourself at 40: 4 Steps for Homeschool Moms in Perimenopause

Prefer to watch? Check out the full video on perimenopause for overwhelmed homeschool moms below, or keep reading for the complete guide.

If you are wondering about perimenopause for overwhelmed homeschool moms—this post is for you.

Are you somewhere between 34 and 55, starting to feel like you don’t even recognize yourself anymore—not just physically, but in your sense of who you are?

You’re managing brain fog while teaching fractions. You’re dealing with irregular periods and mood swings while keeping everyone on schedule. Maybe you have toddlers, preschoolers, kids with ADHD—and then there’s this loud voice inside you that keeps saying, “I don’t want to do this anymore. Not like this.”

Everyone’s telling you, “It’s just hormones. Just push through. Just keep going.”

But perimenopause for overwhelmed homeschool moms doesn’t have to be something you just survive. There’s a way to reclaim who you are, rediscover what you want, and build a life and homeschool that actually fit the woman you’re becoming.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by all of this, you’re not alone. Many of the symptoms of perimenopause—brain fog, exhaustion, mood swings—can make everyday homeschool overwhelm feel ten times worse. (Not sure what’s causing your overwhelm? Take the Ultimate Homeschool Overwhelm Quiz to reveal your hidden stress triggers in just 5 minutes.)

Today, I’m walking you through four specific steps to reclaim yourself during perimenopause while homeschooling.

Step 1: Understand What’s Really Happening in Your Body

You need to understand what’s actually happening in your body so you can stop fighting it and start working with it.

Perimenopause can begin in your mid-30s or early 40s, and it’s not just hot flashes. Here’s what you might be experiencing:

• Irregular periods or heavier bleeding
• Brain fog that makes you forget what you were teaching mid-sentence
• Sleep disruptions – you’re tired, but that doesn’t mean you can stay asleep
• Mood swings and increased anxiety
• Energy crashes at 2 p.m. when you still have stuff to do
• An overwhelming feeling of being DONE with tolerating things that used to just roll off your back

Why Perimenopause Hits Differently When You’re Homeschooling

When you’re homeschooling, this perimenopause experience hits differently. You can’t call in sick. Certainly, you can’t take a mental health day. And you’re “on” from the moment you wake up until bedtime—planning, teaching, refereeing, and managing. You might still be on for another decade.

And here’s what makes it even harder: when you’re dealing with brain fog and exhaustion, it’s easy to blame yourself or think you just need a “better” curriculum. But often, the real reason you’re overwhelmed isn’t the curriculum at all—it’s that your body is going through a massive transition and nobody told you how to support yourself through it.

Your Body Isn’t Betraying You

Here’s what you need to know: Your body isn’t betraying you. It’s literally changing its priorities.

Those hormones that used to make you more accommodating, more servant-like, supportive, helpful, more nurturing, more willing to put everyone else first? They’re declining. And your body is saying, “Okay, what do YOU need? What do YOU want?”

Action for Step 1:

Stop pathologizing what’s happening. Stop thinking something is wrong with you, because it’s not.

Instead, get curious. Notice what your body is telling you. Write it down if it helps. Just observe without judging it for a few days. Just notice what’s going on.

What I’m Doing to Support My Body Through Perimenopause

I want to share what’s been working for me personally, because when I’m consistent with this, I feel normal. When I waiver, my hormones are riding rollercoasters—which, as you know, is so very unpleasant and interfering with daily intentions.

My supplement routine includes:

The basics:

• Vitamin D
• Multivitamins
• Fish oil

The good stuff for perimenopause:

• MenoSmart by SmartSolutions – This has been a game-changer. It contains a mixture of hesperidin, black cohosh, dong quai, sage, chasteberry, and gamma-oryzanol
• SleepGreat (before bed) – An herbal blend that helps me sleep more deeply throughout the night (my husband appreciates this too!)

Now, I appreciate the experience of being a woman, but this last big hurrah is a bit MUCH. Goodness. As if baby-producing efforts weren’t enough! But there is much for me to learn yet, and I have learned supplements to be very useful.

A note about natural vs. conventional medicine:

As someone trained as a nurse and married to a medical doctor, I’m obviously a full advocate of Western medicine. But these natural substances—that drug companies can’t own and therefore can’t market—are the bomb. So helpful.

I share the full list of supplements I use in the perimenopause section of my book, by the way.

A note about hormone therapy:

While natural supplements have been incredibly helpful for me, it’s also important to know that hormone therapy is FDA-approved as a first-line therapy for the relief of bothersome hot flashes and is shown to be the most effective treatment, with benefits particularly outweighing the risks when used in early menopause to relieve vasomotor symptoms, hot flashes, night sweats, and sleep disturbances.

If your symptoms are impacting your daily life and homeschooling, consider a conversation with your healthcare provider about whether menopausal hormone therapy might be right for you.

Tell me about your experience in the comments section.

What have you been doing to address the perimenopausal rollercoaster rides? I’d love to hear what’s working for you in the comments.

Step 2: Recognize Your “No BS Energy” as Your Superpower

Around 40, many homeschool moms notice a shift from always saying yes to embracing the power of no. This is your perimenopause superpower, giving you clarity on what truly matters—your energy, your time, your homeschool, your life.

The Shift from “Yes” to “No”

You know how you used to say yes to everything? That extra volunteer commitment, the playdate you didn’t really want, the family thing that drained you, a curriculum that everyone else said was amazing but made you want to tear your hair out?

And now? Now you’re finding yourself saying, “Actually, no. That does not work for us. That does not work for me.”

You might wonder if it’s you being selfish. But it’s not—though some people might say so.

This Isn’t You Being Difficult

This isn’t you being difficult. Someone close might think so, sure. But actually, this is you finally, finally starting to honour what you actually need and want.

Glennon Doyle talks about this in her book Untamed—how we’ve been so conditioned to listen to everyone else’s expectations, to that inner critical voice that tells us we should be smaller, quieter, more accommodating. But underneath all that, there’s this wild, true voice that’s been waiting for us to listen.

Why Homeschool Moms Are Especially Prone to This

As homeschooling moms, we are especially prone to this. We’re already going against the grain by educating at home. Sometimes we’re already defending our choices to the mail person, to the grocery store clerk—every person that isn’t directly involved in your homeschool life. We’re already feeling like we need to prove ourselves, so we pile on more: more structure, more curricula, more activities, and perfection.

(If you’re new to homeschooling, you might be making some of the common mistakes first-year homeschool moms make that lead to overwhelm. And if you’ve been at this a while, check out these 5 overlooked mistakes that might be stressing you out.)

But what if this is the phase of life that’s inviting you to strip all that away? To ask: What do we actually want our homeschool to look like? What kind of life do we want to create?

Step 3: Ask the Question That Changes Everything – “Who Am I NOW?”

Perimenopause for overwhelmed homeschool moms often brings a deep identity shift. Who are you now—not at 25, not who everyone else expects you to be, but who YOU are today?

Taking up space in your life isn’t taking away from your family—it’s modeling authenticity, self-respect, and balance for your children.

Why This Question Can Feel Scary

I’ll be real with you. I know that this question can feel scary because when you’ve spent 15 or 20 years being someone’s wife, someone’s mom, someone’s educator, the idea of having your own identity, your own desires, your own time—it can feel selfish. Almost selfish.

But it’s not.

Many homeschool moms struggle with guilt when they even think about their own needs. If that’s you, I wrote about breaking free from guilt and overwhelm specifically for home educating moms. And if you’re feeling like you’ve lost yourself completely in the role of “homeschool mom,” the Homeschool Mom Identity Map can help you rediscover who you are beyond homeschooling.

Taking Up Space Isn’t Taking Away from Your Family

Here’s what’s really shifting: Taking up space in your life isn’t taking away from your family. It’s actually the most valuable thing you can give them.

When you model what it looks like to:

• Honour your needs
• Set boundaries
• Pursue your interests
• Say no to what depletes you
• Say yes to what lights you up

You’re teaching your kids—showing them what a whole, integrated person looks like. You’re giving them permission to do the same.

What This Might Look Like in Your Homeschool

This might look like:

• Dropping the curriculum that makes you miserable, even if it’s “the best” or other people really like it
• Building in time for YOUR learning, YOUR reading, YOUR projects
• Being honest when you need a break instead of white-knuckling through
• Letting go of the Pinterest-perfect homeschool aesthetic
• Creating space for the kind of education that actually energizes you and your kids

Step 4: Take Concrete Action This Week

All right, let’s get practical because inspiration is great (and I love it—it’s definitely my thing), but we need actual steps we can take this week, right?

Action 1: Start Noticing Your Inner Dialogue

For the next week, just start paying attention to your inner dialogue. Not trying to change it yet, just noticing.

When your inner critical voice shows up saying “You should be doing more,” “You’re not enough,” “Everyone else has it together”—just notice it. Name it. Maybe write it down in a journal.

Name it by saying, “Oh, there’s that critical voice again.”

And then ask, “What is my true voice saying underneath that?”

Your true voice might be saying:

• “I’m tired.”
• “This doesn’t feel right.”
• “I need help.”
• “I actually want something different.”

Keep a little note on your phone. Just jot it down. When you notice the difference between those two voices, you’ll begin to see a pattern.

(If your mind feels cluttered and chaotic, read about how to declutter your homeschool mama mind and move from overwhelm to on purpose. Or if you prefer a more structured approach, try journaling to overcome overwhelm.)

Action 2: Create Non-Negotiable Space for Yourself

I’m not talking about a 3-hour morning routine or a week-long retreat (though if you can do that, amazing—let me know where you’re staying!).

I’m talking about one thing that’s just for you. Non-negotiable.

Maybe it’s:

• 20 minutes with your coffee before you open the homeschool books in the morning
• A walk alone three times a week
• Reading for pleasure, not just homeschool planning
• Pursuing a hobby you dropped when the kids were born
• Saying no to one thing this week that you would have said yes to out of obligation

Here’s the key: You don’t have to earn this time. You don’t have to do everything else perfectly first. The house does not have to be clean before you do this. You just claim it.

This is the most important way to take care of yourself as an overwhelmed homeschool mom—and it’s not what you think. It’s not bubble baths and spa days (though those are nice). It’s about claiming your right to exist as a whole person, not just a role.

(And if you’re dealing with post-partum overwhelm on top of perimenopause? I see you. Read this.)

Action 3: Audit Your Homeschool Through the Lens of YOUR Energy

Look at your homeschool day or your homeschool week with new eyes:

• What part lights you up?
• What part drains you completely?
• Or what are you doing because you think you should?
• What would you do if no one was watching or judging?

Then make one change:

• Drop one thing that’s draining you
• Add one thing that energizes you

Maybe you hate formal grammar lessons or sentence diagramming (like me), but you love reading aloud together. Or maybe you can shift your approach. Maybe you need more time outside and less time at the kitchen table. Maybe you need to stop comparing your homeschool to anyone else’s.

Action 4: Connect with Your People

You cannot do this alone. And I mean that. Reclaiming yourself at age 40 or around the perimenopause years while homeschooling—you need support.

Do one of these:

• Text a friend and be completely open with her about what you’re feeling (not the filtered version—the real version)
• Join a workshop or community focused on this work—like my upcoming workshop on calming the inner critic, because learning to separate the critical voice from your true voice is essential
• Listen to the Homeschool Mom Podcast episode on tackling homeschool mom overwhelm where we dive deep into this topic
• Read a vulnerable story of an overwhelmed homeschool mom’s journey—you might see yourself in her experience
• Try the Revolutionary AI Thinking Partner for overwhelmed homeschool moms if you need someone to think things through with (available 24/7!)
• Read a chapter of a book (like Glennon Doyle’s Untamed) that reminds you that you’re not alone in this
• Comment below and share what you’re experiencing—I promise you someone else needs to hear your story

Unquestionably, isolation makes this all harder. But when you hear other women say, “Oh my gosh, me too”—when you realize you’re not alone in this, you’re just in a transition phase of your life—that’s when you can shift things.

Your Four Actions for This Week

So, those are your four actions for this week:

1. Notice the difference between your inner critic and your true voice
2. Claim one non-negotiable space for yourself
3. Connect with at least one other person who gets it
4. Audit your homeschool and make one energy-based change

Pick the one that feels most urgent and start there today.

Remember This

Being 40, navigating perimenopause for overwhelmed homeschool moms, is not the end of who you are—it’s the beginning of the woman you were always meant to become.

We walked through the four steps today:

1: Understand what’s happening in your body so you can stop fighting yourself

2: Recognize your “No BS Energy” as a superpower, not a character flaw

3: Ask yourself, “Who am I NOW?” and actually answer honestly

4: Take one concrete action this week

Your inner voice—your true voice, not the critical one—has been waiting for you to listen. In this phase of life, with all the hormonal shifts and exhaustion and brain fog, it’s actually turning up the volume so loud that you cannot ignore it anymore. You cannot ignore her anymore.

She’s saying: Take up space. Know that what’s valuable for you is valuable for your family because YOU are valuable. Stop shrinking. Stop performing. Start reclaiming.

I Want to Hear from You

Which of these four steps are you going to start with? What’s one thing you’re claiming for yourself this week?

Drop a comment below and let me know. And if this resonated with you, would you please share it with another homeschool mom who might need to hear it too? Because we are all in this together.

You are exactly who you need to be right now. And the woman you’re becoming? She’s going to be incredible during perimenopause while homeschooling

A Super Useful Resource to Support Your Journey

If you found this helpful, here are more resources specifically for overwhelmed homeschool moms:

If you found this helpful, here is a super useful tool specifically designed to help you clarify the roots of your overwhelm so you can unpack it to address it:

The Ultimate Homeschool Overwhelm Quiz – Reveals your hidden stress triggers in 5 minutes.

Rediscover Who You Are Beyond Homeschooling: The Homeschool Mom Identity Map

The Homeschool Mom Identity Map helps you rediscover who you are beyond lesson plans and laundry. This step-by-step guide supports homeschool moms in defining their values, releasing unrealistic expectations, and reclaiming confidence. Feel grounded, create space for your own growth, and reconnect with the woman you were before overwhelm.

Until then, listen to the inner voice. She knows the way.